Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves and how valuable we think we are to others. Self-esteem affects how we trust others, our relationships,
our work and all aspects of our lives. Positive self-esteem gives us the strength and flexibility to take charge of our lives and grow from our mistakes without feeling rejected.
Low Self-esteem is a harmful condition that keeps individuals from realizing their full potential. Low self-esteem makes people feel unworthy, weak and inadequate. People with low self-esteem act helpless and unable to cope; they look to others
for guidance, leading to such problems as extreme shyness, under-achievement, and too much reliance on others in relationships. Low self-esteem is not something you are born with; it is learned. It’s the result of filtering opinions, comments, suggestions, looks and actions of those around us. For example, if a child grows up with parents who are critical, he may learn he will never do well enough.
Values self and others
Trusts others
Builds wholesome relationships with others
Takes charge of own life without the fear of rejection
Has confidence in self and is comfortable with new people and situations
Signs of Low Self-esteem
Negative view
Mistrusts others
Blames others
Fear of taking risks
Dependent
Feelings of being unloved
Fear of being ridiculed
If a child grows up with neglectful parents, he may grow up feeling unworthy of care. These feelings may last a lifetime even though others may love and care for her or him. The low self-esteem will filter out the good; the child will hear only the bad and live up to the expectations of a person with low self-esteem. This behavior becomes “second nature.”
Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect.
How to raise low self-esteem:
Letting go of low self-esteem feelings and behaviors that have built up over a
lifetime is not an easy task. It takes time and hard work and may even involve
professional counseling. There are some simple, positive-thinking techniques that can help build self-esteem. These are called affirmations. Affirmations are encouraging messages we can give ourselves every day until they become part of our feelings and beliefs. We must begin every day looking in the mirror and giving ourselves affirmations.
Affirmations:
1. I respect myself and others.
2. I am loveable and likable.
3. I care about others.
4. I am a good friend to myself and others.
5. I am confident and it shows.
6. I am creating loving, healthy relationships.
7. I accept myself just as I am.
8. I look great.
Steps to good self-esteem:
• Concentrate on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
• Remind yourself of past successes.
• Associate with positive, supportive people.
• Use positive self-talk.
• Visualize future success.
• Get involved with work and activities you love.
Things to do to build children’s self-esteem:
Notice them
Smile at them
Listen to them
Seek them out
Remember their birthday
Ask them about themselves
Look in their eyes when talking to them
Be honest
Be yourself
Share their excitement
Follow them when they lead
Send them a postcard
Know where they are
Delight in their discoveries
Discuss their dreams and nightmares
Suggest better behavior when they act out
Stay with them when they are afraid
Take time and concentrate only on them
Give them space when they need it
Kneel, squat or sit so you are at their level
Meet their friends and parents
Encourage win-win situations
Give them lots of compliments
Praise more and criticize less
Ask for their opinion
Applaud their accomplishments
Inspire their creativity
Become their advocate
Include them in conversations
Show up at their concerts, games, and events
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Peer Pressure
Peer pressure: social pressure from members of your group to believe certain things or act in certain ways in order to be accepted. Peer pressure involves the
efforts of a group of equals to make people “follow the rules” of the group's way of behaving. Peer pressure can be both negative and positive. All children experience
peer pressure and give into it at one time or another. Here are some steps parents can take to minimize the negative effects:
Family is important to teens
• Develop a close, open, and honest relationship with your children so they will want to identify with you and work to please you. Children who have
strong relationships with their parents are much more likely to come to them when they are in trouble or are having problems. Talk to children
about morals and values—the best defense against negative peer pressure.
• Help children understand peer pressure so they will be better able to stand up to negative peer pressure and the suggestions of bad companions.
Let them know peer pressure is something all children and adults experience at some time, and it is normal to want to fit in. Gangs are less attractive to children who get
their needs met at home.
• Plan regular and frequent activities the whole family can participate in such as picnics, hiking, sports, etc. Parents who spend quality time develop close relationships with their children; thus, children are less likely to give in to peer pressure or gangs. “The family has to be the better gang.” (Louis Gonzales, Ph.D.)
Stay Involved in Your Child’s Life
• Encourage friendships with positive role models and join groups or activities which involve getting together with positive role models, (i.e. scouting, sports, church groups)
• Get to know our children’s friends and their parents to see if they are a positive influence and have similar values.
• Know where your children are and what they are doing. Supervise them at home and know where they are, whom they are with, and what they are doing.
• Don’t criticize the children’s friends who might be a bad influence. They will become defensive and continue to be with them. Do discuss specific behaviors and actions. “It seems like every time you are with Tom you get into trouble and then get grounded.”
• Encourage a wide variety of friends. This promotes individuality and makes it less likely for children to give in to peer pressure from any one group.
Peer Pressure
Revised 08/2006
• Teach responsibility. Responsible children consider their options. They tend to cooperate more consciously than “people-pleasers,” (children who are motivated by
approval) by considering their options rather than automatically making choices to avoid conflict or negative reactions from their peers. (See PEN Notes #8: Responsibility) Help Your Child Develop a Positive Self-Image
• Encourage individuality and independence by modeling those behaviors. Parents who say “no” to peer pressure are teaching their children to do the same. Discuss independence with your children and stress the importance of being an individual and doing what is morally right even if it isn’t what peers approve of.
• Teach assertiveness through role playing so that children will be able to standup for what they believe is right. We can also teach problem solving when children are faced with peer pressure by suggesting alternative activities. Teach them what to say to explain why they refuse to participate in a certain activity.
• Praise assertiveness since behavior that is praised is much more likely to be repeated.
• Provide appropriate discipline when children give into negative peer pressure. Enforce restitution, restrict privileges, or do not allow your child to spend time with the friend or friends with whom he/she got into trouble.
• If you think your child may have given in to negative peer pressure, try to figure out why and address it. If your child lacks self-confidence or self-esteem, then work on
building those qualities.
• Seek help if a child is consistently giving in to peer pressure.
Signs of Peer Pressure:
Excessive demands for material things his friends has
Disregarding your rules in order to do things with friends
Stealing with friends
Any hint of alcohol or drugs
Teens seriously misleading you about friends or whereabouts
Doing things to avoid rejection, like complying or conforming with friends
Show Teens We Care:
Always take time to really listen.
Give children privacy; teens need space.
Be accepting of our children—don’t be too critical.
Don’t rush the teen years or raise false expectations.
Develop a strong sense of family unity by spending time together.
Talk about sex, drugs, and alcohol!
Peer pressure can be positive. It keeps youth participating in religious activities, going to meetings and playing on sports teams, even when they are not leaders. It keeps adults going to religious services, serving on community committees and supporting worthwhile causes. The peer group is a source of affection, sympathy, and understanding; it is a place for experimentation and a supportive setting for achieving the two primary developmental tasks of adolescence. These are identity (who I am) and autonomy (self-separate and independent from parents).